I've shared about my life with MS a few times but seldom talked about a common effect of autoimmune, which is depression. Our society has mistakenly used the word "depressed" to describe having a bad mood. But that's inaccurate and misleading. Depression is not just feeling down or being sad. When I was dealing with depression, there were lots of crying and irrational thinking. I broke our dining table and kicked my bedroom wall just to release the ineffable pain. I avoided meeting or talking with other people because they couldn't understand me and I was tired of hearing clichés. I wasn't suicidal, but I thought about death more than about life. Like Job, I wondered: "if this is how the rest of my life would look like, what's the point of staying around? Just call me home, Lord."
In 2015, thankfully I received the help I needed. My family decided to move to a more liveable city where I could receive better MS treatment. The months we spent there rejuvenated my soul and restored my peace, despite not receiving a cure. Ultimately, I realised a key to fight depression isn't merely medication, but more importantly a solid companionship that points me to the real Source of hope: God.
If you're also struggling with depression, I hope you don't fight the battle on your own. Seek help and be willing to get it off your chest. It's possible to live a joyful life in the midst of brokenness. I pray you find the right people to journey with. If you know someone who has been depressed, don't belittle their struggle. Look carefully and listen to their suffering.
Healing can begin in a place of love, safety and acceptance.
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This post was written to commemorate World Mental Health Day that's marked every October 10th. The main idea is to get people to talk about their insecurities/illness and to motivate each other to reach out for help.
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